FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
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Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
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My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
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