Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
Randomize
