I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
Randomize
