OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
Randomize
