Once you see the odd facial expressions and noises a guy makes while he is furiously beating off on top of you, it kind of puts things into perspective.
She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
Quick, to the slutcave!
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
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