He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
How much of a thot would I be if I put this pic up? On a scale of thot-ish to Queen of Thotlandia
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
Randomize
