She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
Everyone says I win the strip club
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Randomize
