he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
I only kidnapped one of them. chill
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
Randomize
