Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
Watching her eat just hurts me
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
Randomize
