dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
you're like a bully in the Christmas story
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
Randomize
