If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
Randomize
