Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
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Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
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