There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
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