i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
Cover your peen. We're going out.
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
Randomize
