I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
Randomize
