Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
The dick lei will go down in squad history
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
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