you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
Randomize
