This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
she went to type in rate my professors and rate my pussy came up in my recent searches. needless to say, i will likely be masturbating to the aforementioned site tonight.
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize
