Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
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