I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
Randomize
