just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
Green mimosas i think yes
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
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