my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
Randomize
