Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
Randomize
