I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
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