You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize
