Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
Randomize
