I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
Randomize
