i just had sex bonerless
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
Randomize
