That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
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