if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
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