please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
Randomize
