You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
where are my eyebrows?
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
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