You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
Randomize
