So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
Randomize
