my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
do nipples grow back?
Randomize
