good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
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What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
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I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
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