I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
Randomize
