On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
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