I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
Randomize
