**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
Randomize