....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
i think i scared a bird with my dick
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
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