can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
Just cropdusted the office
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
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