I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
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