So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
organizing the empties. That sober.
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
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