I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
This couple is walking their pig around campus
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