how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
Randomize
