can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
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