There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
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