Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
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