You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
Randomize
