In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
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