oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
You did what with his pubic hair?
Randomize
