The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
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