Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
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