the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
Randomize
