tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
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