I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
Randomize