I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
Randomize
