my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
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