Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
Randomize
