I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
Randomize