If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
Randomize
