I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
Randomize
