dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
Randomize
