he puts the penis in happiness.
guys are not supposed to queef...right?
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
I can't trust your balls anymore.
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
Randomize
