What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
he told me I talked like a deaf person
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
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You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
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Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.