If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
Erin Andrews shaves. She also likes to check out her ass in the mirror. Of course if I had an ass like that I'd be checking it out in the mirror too.
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
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