he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
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This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
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They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!