I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
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Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe isn't a time...
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
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I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.