I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
Randomize
