shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
Randomize
