I think i peed on brittanys purse
you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
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