so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
Contrary to popular belief alot of woman do actually enjoy sucking cock.
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
Randomize
