we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
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