Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(901): View more from Tennessee

i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."

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(614): View more from Ohio

Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.

(1-614): View more from Ohio

I had better be fucking involved with step four.

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(920): View more from Wisconsin

call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.

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(818): View more from California

If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.

(323): View more from California

Sounds like a plan.

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(416): View more from Ontario

Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.

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(253): View more from Washington

These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency

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(508): View more from Massachusetts

he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.

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(701): View more from North Dakota

I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"

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(773): View more from Illinois

Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.

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