Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
yes he's amazing in bed. he made me like, black out. everything went black it was weird. so yes, i'd fuck him again. plus, he has every season of buffy on dvd
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
Randomize
