capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
im calling her cock vulture from now on
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
Randomize
