Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
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