I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
Randomize
