Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
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